Every year at Thanksgiving – and sometimes beyond – people share the things they are grateful for.  I’ve done it myself with gratitude lists.  Although it feels almost obligatory over the holiday, thinking about and giving voice to our blessings today can help us develop that habit all year long.

It’s different for people who are moderately to severely depressed or with anxiety or PTSD, though.  There is a kind of shame that comes from living through a day when everyone is giving thanks for everything from family to the sun and moon, when everyone suggests finding gratitude will make you feel better and you are struggling just to breathe.  It’s a little like hearing people say that positive thinking will bring light to the darkness, that “merely” changing our thinking will make all this worth it.  I actually do believe that feelings follow thoughts, but I also know that divorcing the two is the norm with depression and anxiety and PTSD. And I know how very hard it is to connect them.  Impossible, sometimes.

My gratitude list today is much different from those in previous years.  It’s shorter and with greater substance.  Although I am thankful for having a place to live, it is only through very hard work that I do.  Work that, because of the depression, is some days like climbing K2 barefoot, without rope or companionship.  Although I am grateful for the freedom to read whatever book I want or to write whatever I choose, most of the time I can’t concentrate enough to do so.  Or I don’t believe it will matter.  The “little” things are truly not small at all, but in a dark world they matter less than the larger, deeper stuff.  And having understanding and tolerance and giving space to allow that in another person is a gift few are willing to give.

So, for my obligatory but deeply held offering of thanks this season:

• I am grateful for family and friends. I am especially grateful for those who “get” me. Who treat me with understanding and not judgement.  These days, those folks are few and far between.
• I am beyond grateful for ‘rissa and Silk. I never expected that I would be sharing my life and home with such heart-beautiful, attentive, and loving cats. They get me through each and every day. And they teach me patience and the importance of enveloping myself in an accepting and inviting energy.
• I am thankful that, after all these years, I now have the opportunity to do my soul’s work. Grateful for Healing Touch for Animals® and for the incredible, loving community I am now a part of and the new friends I am making.
• I am grateful for all the creatures on this planet, from microscopic plankton to great, majestic elephants. They teach me, in profound ways, that every living, intricate being has value.
• Finally, I am grateful for spiritual tradition. Although I have a bit of an adversarial relationship with many belief systems, I know how important they are to people and what a critical role they play in peoples’ lives and in their deaths.