From before I can remember and for the first 20 or so years of my life, I was an active churchgoer. I was baptized in and belonged to a liberal, kind, and welcoming United Church of Christ (UCC) congregation, sang in three choirs, worked summers in a club for neighborhood kids, and became great friends with our Director of Christian Education. I’d visit sometimes during the week to sit alone in the peaceful silence of the chapel, went on trips with our confirmation class, and volunteered at dinners and church events. Church and its people were family.

I don’t remember when I came to understand that I really didn’t believe all that Christianity taught. But I do remember in one of my meetings with the minister (who was just about my favorite person in the world) saying, “I don’t believe in any of this.” He replied, “It doesn’t matter.” We didn’t pursue that comment any further, but I suspect he meant that God believed in me, and I’d get it at some point.

That was nearly 50 years ago, and I haven’t gotten it yet. Or, at least, I haven’t come to understand things has thought were important. Truthfully, I do believe I have finally “gotten it.”

Through the years, I’ve explored a variety of religious beliefs–Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Unitarian Universalism, the Quakers, several different pagan beliefs and traditions, and Judaism. I was even a member and then leader of a pagan group at a local UU. The closest I’ve come to any sort of “belief” is with the foundational teachings of Buddhism and Druidism (I’m a member of the Order of Bards and Druids and still use some Buddhist practices to get through the day, but all sans any sort of god or gods).

In 2025, I attended my first Freedom from Religion Foundation convention and met Mary Trump, John Fugelsang, Mickey Dollens, and Dan Barker (in addition to many, many other lovely folks). FFRF focuses on keeping church and state separate, and I desperately wanted to be doing something to help halt the dangerous path our country was taking. I didn’t like the term “atheist” (I’d had negative experiences with online atheist groups) and wasn’t sure where I fit in, but I finally was in a place and with people that resurfaced those feelings I had in church as a kid.

I’ve planned a trip to the 2026 FFRF convention, and wanted to delve a little deeper into living as an atheist, as well as the many issues surrounding church vs. state, so I picked up Dan’s book, godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists, to start.

Wow. I can’t say enough good things about this book. It is a thoughtful, thorough analysis of Christian beliefs focusing heavily on and discrediting arguments Barker has encountered since becoming an atheist, as well as biblical inconsistencies that create an unquestionable doubt about the book’s “truth.” I am a little perplexed by folks who have called Barker “uneducated” and simply not well-versed in Christianity – he was evangelizing at age 15, obtained a degree in religion, and served as a Christian minister, missionary, and musician/composer for nearly two decades. He is not only well-educated, but he has lived the life of a devoted Christian and pastor.

The one sad thing about this work is that it won’t be read by those who need to hear its message, or it will only be read in snippets.

The one sad thing about this work is that the people who need to read it won’t. or the

Thank you Dan Barker and FFRF, for bringing some hope and light back into my world.

For more, visit ffrf.org and freethoughtnow.org.